I’ve dated, done GYRAD (get your roommate a date), been to coffee, gone to Fall Banquet, and had a relationship go into summer. I’ve seen home schoolers date basketball players. I’ve known 23 engaged men at the same time. I’ve heard all the philosophies of dating on campus. I’ve seen 18 year olds get married. I’ve seen engaged students break it off. I’ve witnessed true love. I’ve seen some awkward incompatibility. I’ve watched a friend cheat on his wife, get a divorce, and give Jesus the big middle finger. I’ve seen romantic relationships get gossiped about and even participating myself at times (regretfully). The dating dynamics at Bible College are a phenomenon.
People watching is a shameless hobby of mine. I love watching people’s body language. Sometimes I just kick back, people watch, and ponder about how odd of a place a Bible College campus can be. The romantic relationships are no exception from being odd. Anybody whose been around my campus for any extended period of time has probably picked up on some of the same things. So I don’t pretend to have any special insight. I just have the time to talk about mine. I also want to make obvious that I support romantic relationships at Multnomah.
The interesting collision that happens at Bible College is the one between personal Theology and dating. Many students have told me about a Biblical way to date, one where a man is the leader so therefore they must pursue the woman. In this model of dating the guy makes the initial move. Basically he tells the girl he’s interested. If a woman does this that means she is too forward and probably very haughty (lol). And to even call this dating is probably not good. Courting is a better term. Anyways, if a woman wants a man to know that she likes him, she can do a couple things. She tells him nothing and hopes that he just ends up liking her. I guess that’s not really doing anything. The big one is dropping hints through a romantic form of passive aggressiveness. This can be troublesome because both parties may be unsure whether the other is interested. Even worse is that each of them may have a couple of other crushes on the side as well. But, to keep biblical she just waits it out. CoughthissucksCough. Now if the guy decides he likes a woman on campus. He puts down the dibbs. Basically meaning he lets it be known amongst men that he likes a girl. So if any other guys are interested in her they’ll back off because that guy called dibbs first. Now that he’s dibbs the rights to be the guy that gets to pursue her, he probes to see if she really likes him. This can be done through discernment, her friends, spying (I don’t do this), etc. If he gets the nod than it’s all go to ask her out to a minor date, nothing fancy. But he typically will avoid asking her out by making a lot of excuses. But usually he is being a wuss and won’t take the risk of rejection that all are faced with. Or maybe he talks a big game but his fear of commitment is up there with his fear of being naked in public. If he goes for it than there are usually one or two dates. (Insert bam sound effect here)
The DTR is now in session. DTR is an acronym for “Defining the Relationship”. This conversation can be initiated by either sex. The Bible College students talk about a number of topics that widely vary during these DTR’s. They talk about “being official”, how many kids they each want, names for those kids, similar hobbies, labels, sexual boundaries, rejection, “risk/reward factor”, feelings, time constraints, big secrets, courting, marriage, many future dates, theological beliefs, Calvinist or Arminian?, going to the same Church, their favorite music, other crushes, whether her friend liked him first, boundaries with others of the opposite sex, favorite professors, homework, Grudem, contraception, etc. The DTR usually ends with a rejection or an initial acceptance to a new relationship. More DTR’s may be needed before making those decisions. Warning: too many DTR’s can lead to swelling of the ears, night sweats, overactive bladders, grinding of teeth, procrastination, lack of quality time, etc.
Next time on “Dating Dynamics on a Bible College Campus Ep 2” we discuss the rest of the process. We will talk about what it’s like to be under the microscope of everybody on campus, surviving gossip, how to get engaged, planning the wedding, which friends to invite, married student housing, and much much more
Your feedback is appreciated. I hope you caught a lot of the satire in this. Please comment about this. All feedback is wanted. I hope you had fun with my first serious post on this blog.
- G.I. Stice
We deal with this classic syndrome in the Core Life class “The Front Side of Sexy.” The DTR is only necessary at MU b/c no one knows how to play the game right. As you’re describing, there’s a set of dating rules there that come from planet Sucksalot or something. You should move off campus bro!!!RUN!! RUN!!! Can’t wait for the next installment.
Quite funny, and like most satires, this is true. Being under the scrutiny of nearly everyone on campus adds so much unnecessary stress to the already stressful, DTR-filled relationship. It has come to my attention that before the couple starts “officially” dating, a vast majority of the student body (most of whom live on campus) have already formed their opinion of whether or not they are a good (aesthetically-pleasing) couple based solely on how they interact with one another. Mind you, this is BEFORE they even start. Ridiculous. Very good, Gabe.
Gabe, this made me laugh really hard. I think you nailed it, and the part about too many DTRs was great.
Except that you’re making me think–I’m not sure if I’m allowed to do that, but since a guy initiated it…
I never thought about ‘asking out’ and ‘taking itiative’ from the guy’s perspective. My friends and I, though not a random slice of the majority *giggle*, aren’t too far out there in our desire to have the guys ask the girls out. (It could be done with the subtle hints, or other friends just telling the guy to get his head on straight and hurry up, but either way, the guy ‘initates’ it.) Guys being wusses is an interesting twist–do we knock the guys for not asking out? Or the girls for thinking only guys can ask out? I’m not sure I could ask a guy out–maybe make the hints less subtle, but not ask him out. (Ridiculous, isn’t it.)
I’m excited to see your analysis of the stage I’m in–Ray calls it “Life in the Fishbowl”, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s harder when you’re dating someone who is 6’5”…and a professor’s kid. Hmm…
But yes. Multnomah is ridiculous. Welcome to Bridal college…where if you survive the dating arena, you should be able to survive a small church and worse.
Gabe, this I enjoyed reading this so much. I am convinced that you are the foremost observer of the under-grad dating world, you should get your Ph.D on it. I was in full support of it while I was there too, I felt like a lot of people resented seeing couples form, in different ways, but I rejoiced. I would see a couple holding hands and rejoice, I would see them awkwardly headed that direction and rejoice. My wife and I love to talk about our dating and friendship years, there is so much to laugh about. I can’t wait for part 2.
Very clever, Gabe.
Very insightful. Also, funny. I look forward to MU dating observations round #2.
Good analysis of the DTR, I’m glad to know that Christian college kids do the same sort of weird everywhere.