Dating Dynamics on a Bible College Campus Ep 2

I apologize to my readers for taking such a hiatus from writing on this blog.  It was a mix of to much to do last semester and a lack of interest over Christmas break.  Nevertheless, the blog is back and ready to go!

I want to tackle a touchy subject for this installment on MU dating.  The gossip that we theologically despise but practically love is rampant in our little community.  I dare to say that romantic relationships are by far the most gossiped about subject in our peculiar subculture.  This form of gossip peaks its heads in ways that I’ve been amazed about over my 2 1/2 years in college.  No where else in my 20 years have I seen a group of people disguise gossip as a form of common, acceptable talk.

I often hear of this idealistic vision for “authentic community” at MU yet I’ve never seen a real issue brought up with the way students go about romantic relationships on campus.  At points I’ve been embittered by the dating situations on campus.  It’s an amazingly hard place to start dating and keep it going.  Students are the problem and the solution.  It was Ghandi who said, “Be the change you want to see.”  I think Christ holds to that ideal as long as the change you want to see is growth for the sake of righteousness.  We as MU students needs to promote the change from rampant gossip to a mouthy cease fire.

Most people’s relationship status isn’t much of our business as students.  Why is it one of our greatest concerns?  Now I don’t mind if you know the people and what you say about them is encouraging and reasonable.  It’s the people who keep up with other people’s dating habits like they keep up on the Blazers or the show LOST.  I think my closest friends know that this has been one of my struggles while at Multnomah.  I’ve been changing that problem by the grace of Jesus for about a year and a half now.  I could say a lot about this and maybe will someday on this blog.  I will leave you with this food for thought.  If we are called as Christians to be the light to the world than why should our communities’ approach to dating the exception?  Shouldn’t we be the best example of college dating in our region?  I bet we could be.  The only way to change this is if the person reading this blogger’s opinion takes a metaphorical look in the mirror.  Stare at those lips and ask Jesus if they’re clean.  Maybe observe how much you and your friends discuss Jimmy and Sally’s relationship this week.  Would they want you to say that about them.  Would you want a group of your friends and people you barely know discecting your relationship.  I wouldn’t so I’m going to try hard and do the same.

I care for you all and would love to see a bolder freedom for people to find another and embark in love.  Men: cowboy up, Women: learn to compromise, and vice versa.  We might all be suprised on who we were missing out on.  Ease of on the people dating around you.  They WILL feel the freedom to love increase.

Love you guys,

Gabriel

Action and Reaction: Wisdom Found Through Stepping Back (Episode 1)

I have a confession to make to my Bible College community. I Gabriel Stice, am a theological elitist. I value my opinion over most of my fellow students. I give my self the benefit of the doubt in almost every argument. Sometimes I form opinions on the fly but this is usually when I don’t bring up the topic. I state my opinion and state it often. If you want to see what an ENTJ personality is like you can look it up. My highly extroverted disposition can be quite annoying to those I discuss theology with and for myself. I’m not intending to villianize myself but rather give a breathe of fresh, honest air to those I interact with often. I take full responsibility for all of this as well. There is simply no excuse other than a lack of wisdom on my part. So I stand here a foolish man and repentant of the uncomfortable atmosphere I often provide for my friends, fellow students, and faculty at Multnomah and Coram Deo Fellowship. This is my story of bridging the gap between biblical/theological knowledge and the wisdom it takes to handle such powerful things.

My freshmen year I discovered something amazing. I loved theology. Often I would engage in discussion with friends such as Andrew King and Wes Jang about the different facets of theology. Every time I would learn something new in my Philosophy class or my Bible Study Methods class I would bring it back to the dorm and argue some point I learned. I failed to ponder or meditate on what I had learned. I simply assumed what I thought was right and wanted to tell somebody about how right I was. Andrew and my friend Bryce got the worst of it. I loved sucking those two into an argument because they couldn’t resist most times. They’ve gotten much wiser at resisting my temptations as of late. Andrew and me one night in the South Aldrich dorm lounge argued from 11:00pm to 4am about Hardcore music, post-modernism, Arminian-Calvinist, etc. My relationships started to suffer. People intentionally avoided me that semester due to my argumentative disposition. I remember basically trying to be friends with a fellow student this one time and he told me I wouldn’t make for a healthy friend. Something had to change. That summer afterwards was one of the most difficult times of my life. I needed wisdom to compliment what I’d learned.

I learned a few things that summer. Knowledge is to be used for glorifying God. My bad relationship with God had caused me to miss out on the fruits of the Spirit. I needed patience and gentleness more than anything. I learned that I didn’t always need to have something to say but more often needed to give somebody else my listening ear. All of this realization broke me as a Christian. I felt like I knew so much but couldn’t use any of it because whenever I spoke sin was near. I sat threw a mens group at my home Church in Sandy Oregon. Dover Community Church has a general age group of about 35-80. In the mens group I was the youngest man by 13 years. We went through the book of Proverbs which is thick wisdom literature. These guys were so funny because i would yuck up theology with them and they never wanted to argue with me. They just listened and smiled. I often got compliments for my knowledge and that built my pride (not virtuous). I remember sitting and talking about humility. All of these men showed me what humility was that summer. I felt like the process of true wisdom started in my life at that point. I’m still painfully going through that process as I write this blog.

I went back to school the next semester and felt the need to put wisdom into practice. People noticed some change in me but inside I felt like pretty much the same guy they avoided the semester before. I did notice that freshmen would listen to me and receive what I would have to say as good advice. This is when what I call my “Daddy Syndrome” came into play. I wanted to be everybody’s Dad and give them fatherly advice. Right, like that 19 year old had the wisdom it takes to be a good father. I loved talking to new students because they were so naive as to what I had to say. One day my friend Billy Hague brought me up into his room to hang out. It ended up being just him and me in the room talking about dorm relationships. I think I’ll remember this discussion for a long time. Billy had the guts to tell mister “knows everything” (me) to stop being foolish with my words (synopsis). I got rebuked and I am very thankful in hind sight. Since that conversation I’ve done a lot of pondering as to why I do what I do.

I realized that by nature I’m a really aggressive person. I like to incite action often. I than always look for reaction. Also when action is incited toward me I like to react to that action. Wisdom is so ingrained in the whole theory of action and reaction. I realized the time I took between thinking and action was really short. I also realized the same for the time it took me between thinking and reaction. The foolish man thinks, then acts to quickly when that quickness isn’t necessary. This is the whole root to my argumentative problem. I always act and react to quick. There is no time for knowledge to process when I act and react to quickly.

Now you readers may be confused as to what I’m getting at right now. First, this story is nowhere close to being done. Just because I had that realization doesn’t mean I’ve put it into perfect practice. It just means I have less integrity when I screw up now. Thanks The Lord for his grace on that one. Second, I want all of you to ponder all of this. When talking about divisive issues how do you handle yourself? When you see other people like me, what is your interaction with them? I challenge you to take people like me aside and give them a gentle rebuke. That would be the most loving thing to do. Finally, most of this foolishness plays itself out practically in me being the theological elitist I talked about. I am slowly trying to kill the elitist inside of me. Nobody enjoys a relationship with a person where that that person selfishly holds themself above everybody else. My professor Jay Held once said, “More people fear admitting they are wrong in public than being nude in a public area.” I have a hard time admitting I’m wrong. My best friends are the ones who let me admit I’m wrong and still love me afterwards. It’s people like that who let me change. Join me in killing the elitist within. If you’re not an elitist than gently rebuke those who are so they are thrown into the same process I’m in. Let’s all find wisdom by stepping back and observing the little reactions we have with people through out the day.

On Episode 2 of “Action and Reaction: Wisdom Found Through Stepping Back“. I tell the story of sophomore year to the present dealing with Theological elitism. I deal with doing ministry and having this problem. I also deal with being the theological elitist inside a Bible College classroom setting. Stay tuned for my next blog on “Dating Dynamics on a Bible College Campus Ep 2“. Your comments are encouraged.

Gabriel Stice

Dating Dynamics on a Bible College Campus (Episode 1)

I’ve dated, done GYRAD (get your roommate a date), been to coffee, gone to Fall Banquet, and had a relationship go into summer. I’ve seen home schoolers date basketball players. I’ve known 23 engaged men at the same time. I’ve heard all the philosophies of dating on campus. I’ve seen 18 year olds get married. I’ve seen engaged students break it off. I’ve witnessed true love. I’ve seen some awkward incompatibility. I’ve watched a friend cheat on his wife, get a divorce, and give Jesus the big middle finger. I’ve seen romantic relationships get gossiped about and even participating myself at times (regretfully). The dating dynamics at Bible College are a phenomenon.

People watching is a shameless hobby of mine. I love watching people’s body language. Sometimes I just kick back, people watch, and ponder about how odd of a place a Bible College campus can be. The romantic relationships are no exception from being odd. Anybody whose been around my campus for any extended period of time has probably picked up on some of the same things. So I don’t pretend to have any special insight. I just have the time to talk about mine. I also want to make obvious that I support romantic relationships at Multnomah.

The interesting collision that happens at Bible College is the one between personal Theology and dating. Many students have told me about a Biblical way to date, one where a man is the leader so therefore they must pursue the woman. In this model of dating the guy makes the initial move. Basically he tells the girl he’s interested. If a woman does this that means she is too forward and probably very haughty (lol). And to even call this dating is probably not good. Courting is a better term. Anyways, if a woman wants a man to know that she likes him, she can do a couple things. She tells him nothing and hopes that he just ends up liking her. I guess that’s not really doing anything. The big one is dropping hints through a romantic form of passive aggressiveness. This can be troublesome because both parties may be unsure whether the other is interested. Even worse is that each of them may have a couple of other crushes on the side as well. But, to keep biblical she just waits it out. CoughthissucksCough. Now if the guy decides he likes a woman on campus. He puts down the dibbs. Basically meaning he lets it be known amongst men that he likes a girl. So if any other guys are interested in her they’ll back off because that guy called dibbs first. Now that he’s dibbs the rights to be the guy that gets to pursue her, he probes to see if she really likes him. This can be done through discernment, her friends, spying (I don’t do this), etc. If he gets the nod than it’s all go to ask her out to a minor date, nothing fancy. But he typically will avoid asking her out by making a lot of excuses. But usually he is being a wuss and won’t take the risk of rejection that all are faced with. Or maybe he talks a big game but his fear of commitment is up there with his fear of being naked in public. If he goes for it than there are usually one or two dates. (Insert bam sound effect here)

The DTR is now in session. DTR is an acronym for “Defining the Relationship”. This conversation can be initiated by either sex. The Bible College students talk about a number of topics that widely vary during these DTR’s. They talk about “being official”, how many kids they each want, names for those kids, similar hobbies, labels, sexual boundaries, rejection, “risk/reward factor”, feelings, time constraints, big secrets, courting, marriage, many future dates, theological beliefs, Calvinist or Arminian?, going to the same Church, their favorite music, other crushes, whether her friend liked him first, boundaries with others of the opposite sex, favorite professors, homework, Grudem, contraception, etc. The DTR usually ends with a rejection or an initial acceptance to a new relationship. More DTR’s may be needed before making those decisions. Warning: too many DTR’s can lead to swelling of the ears, night sweats, overactive bladders, grinding of teeth, procrastination, lack of quality time, etc.

Next time on “Dating Dynamics on a Bible College Campus Ep 2” we discuss the rest of the process. We will talk about what it’s like to be under the microscope of everybody on campus, surviving gossip, how to get engaged, planning the wedding, which friends to invite, married student housing, and much much more

Your feedback is appreciated. I hope you caught a lot of the satire in this. Please comment about this. All feedback is wanted. I hope you had fun with my first serious post on this blog.

- G.I. Stice

Introduction Blog

I’d to welcome everybody to this new blog. I have a special love for Bible College students, faculty, and staff. I’ve had some of my most enjoyable conversations on the Multnomah University campus. For two and a half years I’ve been engaged in the Multnomah community. This blog will serve as my open journal about the student life at MU. I invite everyone who reads this blog to engage in discussion about the topics I write about. I will share about my passions in theology, hermeneutics, preaching, reading, engaging culture, Church, and much more. I eventually allow other authors to contribute. Obviously I desire for the nature of this blog to be serious and to tackle everything Multnomah head on. Some times I will speak the truth even when it means people don’t like it. I’m not here to flatter anybody. So again, I invite you on the journey with me.